Tuesday, June 30, 2020
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à It was a classic mid-spring semester burnout. Cold and cloudy got me feeling uninspired and unprepared, to the point I found myself intently hoping that the roads would be icy enough to provide a reasonable excuse to cancel my mid-morning class. Alas, my prayers went unanswered, and the Oklahoma Department of Traffic showed green to my destination. The show must go on, so I pulled myself together and made the drive. Upon arrival, the building held the same tenebrous atmosphere, which didnââ¬â¢t help perk my enthusiasm for the class ahead. This feeling that I couldnââ¬â¢t seem to shake haunted me as I recalled some of my favorite quotes from Andrew Pudewaââ¬â¢s talk, ââ¬Å"However Imperfectly.â⬠ââ¬Å"Teaching is the overflow from the soul of the teacher to the soul of the student.â⬠and ââ¬Å"Teaching is all about love!â⬠Such beautiful quotes that once filled me with inspiration now made me feel small and inadequate. What did I have to offer my students this morning? I had no fire, no desire. I was just there. This thought served to only depress me further and fixed my determination to just cancel class and send whoever showed to study hall for the period. Being a solid extrovert and verbal processor, I needed affirmation from someone to fix my decision, and I proceeded to peek my head into the current class to seek someone to consult. What met my eyes was the art class. There were a handful of students at one table sitting directly across from their instructor, a burly man who is an expert artist with metal, stone, and wood. There he was with those few students, giving the lesson just as if there were a classroom full. Immediately I felt a slight shift in my perspective. Still, I approached and asked his opinion on possibly canceling my class. He saw my points and empathized with my sentiment of ââ¬Å"just not feeling it today,â⬠but at the end of the conversation he said, ââ¬Å"You know what, Kristin, youââ¬â¢re here. Even if just a few students can make it today, itââ¬â¢s worth it.â⬠I knew he was right, and it was just what I needed to hear. Alright, then. Class it is! Eleven oââ¬â¢clock rolled around, and I was in the classroom with my own handful of students. After getting settled, I surveyed the students to select a class notetaker. I chose one of the students whom I know to be quiet and shy, yet very competent. When asked if she would be our notetaker, knowing this task entailed presenting the notes next week, a part she greatly disliked, she looked up and stated clearly, sweetly, and completely free of guile, ââ¬Å"I donââ¬â¢t want to, but I will.â⬠Her words struck me in a way Iââ¬â¢m sure she didnââ¬â¢t think they would. I donââ¬â¢t want to, but I will. There it was. My lesson for the day. In a moment the roles were reversed, and the love of the student overflowed to the soul of the teacher, bringing new understanding and insight. I donââ¬â¢t want to, but I will. Sometimes thatââ¬â¢s what teaching with love looks like. Itââ¬â¢s not always this bubbling feeling of joy to share wonderful things with your class (my usual state of mind!); sometimes itââ¬â¢s sheer willpower. And hereââ¬â¢s the good news: Thatââ¬â¢s okay! Itââ¬â¢s enough. Itââ¬â¢s still love. Which means itââ¬â¢s still powerful and effective. Maybe mid-semester crisis is simply an opportunity for us to exercise a certain form of love for our students and the subjects we are commissioned to teach. In that light, maybe there are reasons it should be our favorite season! Yeah, Iââ¬â¢m not there either, but I do take comfort in this newfound knowledge, unknowingly given to me by a student, and I hope in some small way it serves to encourage you as well. à Kristin Boutrossà grew up as part of a large homeschooling family in the rolling hills of Northeast Oklahoma. In addition to working inà IEW'sà customer service department, she also assists the Director of Marketing. Teaching IEW classes for a local homeschool co-op, she has especially enjoyed being an assistant teacher to Andrewà Pudewa. She enjoys snow, singing, teaching, traveling, being with family and friends, and working with and for IEW. à Log in or register to post commentsKristin Boutrosss blog Log in or register to post comments
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